She Said, He Said - For the Love of 'Fluffy'

Hello, my freaky darlings,

Sorry to have been away from you all for too long but sadly my medical condition has flared considerably this month but we'll discuss that soon enough. Today, I wanted to share with you a funny story from some friends of mine, Lisa & Nick Lutwyche, who live in the woodland wilds near the Delaware border. it is a heartwarming tale about the deep bonds between a couple and their pets. It is a story that can only be told in the manner of 'She said, He Said.'

It is on that great internet crossroads known as Facebook that I found Lisa's story. (All photos are courtesy of Nick and Lisa Lutwyche.)

Lisa Said: (Emphasis is hers)

How NOT to get a Siamese cat out of a tree: not just any tree, but a hickory, with no lower branches, and the cat is 1 1/2 stories HIGHER than the roof of the house...

1) the fire company will NOT help, even if you offer to pay them (despite the fact that you have no money to speak of, you'd find a way somehow)

2) do NOT tie 2 ladders together and attempt to climb them while your wife is out getting burgers to sustain your heroics. (You will fall down & you did!)

3) do NOT attempt to rig, with ropes & pullies, a box with cat food & a flashlight inside it, unless the box ends up DIRECTLY below the cat & not at an angle

4) do NOT underestimate the power of hope

5) do NOT think that you can stop a bloody-minded, soft-hearted Englishman from climbing two stories, tying ladders to trees, sliding an impossible box & wood contraption up the tree to a cat, who, impossibly, steps into the box!!!

You do NOT get the cat down if you believe what the fireman told you, "They always come down on their own." After 7 hours, after the sun has set and the wind is blowing and the moon is shining behind him, what gets the cat down from the tree is STUBBORN LOVE.

Nick, described by his wife as the 'bloody-minded, soft-hearted Englishman', (also seen below at the 'ladder') commented on this status in his defence:

Tried the food. Got a cardboard box in a sling close to him by getting a line over a high branch about 18" below him at 90 degrees to the fork where he was stuck. Fishy cat food in the box. Because it was a down hill, round the corner, for the cat to get into the box he could not make it. I got the line in place after several attempts by attaching it to a 2lb hammer which I hurled up into the tree.

I was worried about overshooting as the hammer would then end up through the double-glazed kitchen window and things would have degenerated into a Chevvy Chase-like family movie. Got Lisa to go to 5 Guys and bring back our supper, as we had not eaten since breakfast. I rigged my 15'ladder on top of 6' step ladder, joined with rope and leaning on the tree which by now is swaying gently in the wind, creaking in unison with the howling cat.

I climb the ladder assembly to test it - it fails and the top ladder slides down the tree trunk, rapidly, with me on it. I remember thinking that this would probably hurt, then everything stopped moving. I disentangled myself from the deranged ladder collection and stood up, just as Lisa returned with the food. Apart from a couple of scrapes on shins and thigh, no damage to me. Lisa berated me with a lot of choice words; we ate and thought about the next approach. I tried cutting some lumber to make steps to nail to the sides of the tree, but the narrow trunk and lack of long enough nails made that a non-starter. So this time we re-rigged the two ladders and roped the bottom ladder to the tree. Up I went, with Lisa steadying the step-ladder.

But the angle of the 2nd ladder was too steep and I describe a graceful parabola over Lisa's head backwards as the top ladder came away from the tree. Slightly bruised but otherwise undamaged, I climb more cautiously up the replaced ladders and tie the very top to the tree. Now I produce the piece-de-resistance. A large cardboard box with two downward projecting pieces of 2"x1" wood supports about 7' long. Climbing to the top of the ladders the cardboard box is pushed up the tree trunk until my arms are fully extended above me, holding the tips of the poles. I tell Lisa to look at how far below the cat is the box now, when I feel the weight of the cat in the box as Lisa watches him slide down into it. A literal leap of faith on his part.

I slowly climb down the ladders after lowering the box above me so as the hold it more firmly and with Lisa guiding me from step to step. We all arrived safely on the ground, and retreated to the house for a cold one or two; the cat was a bit shocked and tired but some food and a drink of water put him right; then he slept 18 hours. A bit croaky and walking a bit stiffly but seems OK otherwise. Another of his lives gone as he comes into his 12th year; not even going to speculate on mine!

But it is Lisa who gets the final word:

Of course, being a Siamese, he serenaded us for the entire 6 plus hours. There is nothing that impels a person more than the plaintive wailing of his/her beloved Siamese cat.

A new time of opportunity

Happy New Year to everyone. I hope you have had a pleasant and fulfilling holiday. With a new year just beginning, I reflect on a the year that was. On the whole, 2011 was a pretty rough year for yours truly. A good chunk of my woe was unfortunately self-inflicted for that I take full responsibility. My plimpton-esque debacle into politics, trying to run for Philadelphia City Council, is perhaps my final 'youthful indiscretion'. As I wrote in that press release when I withdrew from the race, I knew the challenge but did not take them as seriously as I should have.
Then the bomb dropped that no one say coming. My recent medical history is now well known among my friends. But upon first seeing me, it would seem likely that I would have some ailment that could also be self-inflicted such as diabetes, heart disease, sleep apnea, etc. Of course, I still might but part of my resolution for the new year is to combat those health problems before they start. We'll discuss those later. What took us all by surprise in 2011 were my epileptic fits. In August, they began. Thankfully, I have only had 4 total...and two of those I slept through. Thankfully, medication has helped in preventing many others. After a few visits with Einstein neurologists, we have learned that my condition is cause not by a malformed blood vessel but a bone 'growth' or something that touches my brain, setting off a seizure. It is hoped by 2012, this problem will be resolved.
But 2011 was not a complete trial or tribulation. I met many interesting people, was witness to other people's own joy and found how many people are truly my friends. I have played with my little cousins and enjoyed the company my friends' children. I have turned 30 years old, an age I once thought unlikely to achieve even when I was 18.
So when the new year, now this year approached, I struggled to solidify my resolve. Everyone makes annual resolutions, lose weight, act nicer, leap over the Eiffel Tower, etc. But this time I was inspired by a parody artist who wrote: '"You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."' I take that as my mantra this year. I have a number of resolutions to achieve this year. Lose 50 pounds by age 31 and keep it off, find a new job, publish a book of my best writing (both fiction and non-fiction) and be more interesting and fantastic. But how can a rotund, mercurial, Falstaff-ian figure like myself achieve this? Well, I guess we'll find out together. The clock is ticking...get your running shoes.